Towards healing?

I share here my experiences between my 28th and 41st birthday as I see it today, on April 10th 2019… I start at the same period as for the «With the illness» version. This is not insignificant, because I realize that healing and illness go hand in hand; one inevitably begins with the other. However, this version goes a little further in time, other experiences are shared, and, in my opinion, it has a completely different perspective… In this version, I reveal a part of me that is very intimate: my beliefs on an invisible world. I am not asking you to believe in it; I am just telling you about my experience. Again, it is impossible for me to tell you everything, so only the facts that seem at the moment to be the most significant are being shared. I hope you will enjoy entering into my world!

The beginning of a quest

At the beginning of 2007, sitting on a chair, I no longer recognize myself, I feel embittered by life, empty and ugly internally… then begins a quest, sometimes conscious, most often unconscious, towards an inner well-being.

First of all, I find new activities that awaken a feeling of happiness and belonging in me: yoga, meditation, mantras and spirituality, everything is there, I think, to find the soul of my childhood!

In the tunnel

The joy felt during these activities allows me to hold on in my professional life which was very demanding! But during this period, I lived certain experiences, especially paranormal ones, which made me understand that life is much more than what we can see and which opened me up to another reality… that of the invisible world (souls, angels, Divine, energy, etc.)… I also discovered, through my thesis work in neuroscience, the limitations of sciences… the world on which I had previously based my life on collapses! I do not understand anything anymore! And life is heckling me! While I am physically and emotionally exhausted, especially by my thesis work which has just come to an end, I still have to organize my divorce, find a new job, register for unemployment and accompany my grandmother with my family during her transition to another world. Seeing myself overwhelmed by my emotions, I contacted a psychiatrist. She advised me to take antidepressants but I refuse, thinking that a little time and therapy would be enough. A few months pass during which I find a new job and move in another city.

To bottom up

But, even if things seem to be stabilizing on the outside, I am getting worse and worse. A movie on schizophrenia makes me aware of the seriousness of my case. I then understand that the outcome would be deadly if I do not do something… but what? In March 2011, a weekend of strong inner stress finally made me decompensate… in full delirium during which I saw, among other things, my soul leave my body and be replaced by another, I found myself being brought by my sister and at my request, to the emergency room; there a severe depression with psychosis is detected and the first medical drugs are given to me. Of course, the psychiatric hospital is waiting for me. It is difficult at first sight to accept this environment, but the caregivers are supportive and making me understand that I am safe. Upon hearing the news, my employer terminates my contract. So here I am at the psychiatric hospital and without anything to look forward to.

Begins the reconstruction phase

Two and a half months of hospitalization will be necessary to get back on my feet and find a little joy and confidence, thanks to the medication and the activities offered. I then join the daycare hospital which helps me on my way to reconstruction. A long warrior’s journey follows. Indeed, during this whole period, I seem to be fighting against myself, against Life, whatever the cost, in order to get out of my situation and find a place in society. I have the feeling that it is I – my whole being – who is the problem and I wish I would be able to change myself over and fully. And of course, nothing seems to be moving as fast as I would like.

Finally, two years later, I leave the daycare hospital and return to a small professional activity, although initially only as a volunteer. Again, my external situation is improving, but I still feel as bad in my body and tired; a feeling of uneasiness accompanies me all the time.

Reuniting with the invisible world

In 2017, my sister introduced me to the work of Kyle Gray, an angelic expert. Thanks to him, I reconnect with the invisible world and my angels. One day in February, when meeting a friend, she, very sensitive and open to the possibility of another world, tells me that my reflection on the computer screen that we were looking at corresponds to someone else and not to me… I then remembered the vision I just had before my hospitalization in 2011. I am puzzled and take the decision to contact a ferrymen of souls. He listens to me and agrees to work on me. One Wednesday in the spring of 2017, he informs me that he will start working on me. And then, the following Saturday, lying on my couch, alone and emotionally disturbed by a small fight with my friend, I decide to listen to music on the YouTube channel. It is then that I happen to hear Leonard Cohen’s song, Who By Fire, whose lyrics are: «who, by fire,… is calling?» And I listen, I listen… and suddenly I see my soul dancing above me! It is here! It is here! It is back and calling me! What a joy!

Turning curve

But the journey is not over, the emotional shock felt during this reunion, among other things, makes me crumble and a few months later, a new psychotic episode is waiting for me… I wake up one morning not knowing if I am dead or alive… a phone call will nevertheless make me come back to reality and enables me to take my medication… but the following day, a voice invites me to suicide. I hear it and take it very seriously. As I begin to construct a plan, my eyes are laid on a set of angelic cards that I had acquired «Keepers of the Light», I become aware at that moment of the brutality of a suicidal act for my relatives. Immediately, I come back to my senses and beautiful new projects come to my mind! This experience nevertheless makes me realize that I am still moved by a desire to leave this earth, by an uneasiness, and also that I miss the invisible world… I realize that although my soul has come back, the comfort I offer is not enough for it to want to stay here. I then ask it to help me strengthen our union on earth.

Calling for help

At the beginning of December 2017, after I had spent a few intense months at work and after a weekend of non-violent communication, I am exhausted but euphoric! I have just found the instrument of peace on earth, my childhood dream! That night, as I imagine myself talking to my relatives, I hear myself saying «wake up, wake up»! But suddenly a turnaround occurs and I understand that this message is intended for me! Panicked, I imagine the worst; an earthquake is about to occur! I then take my dog and drive away! But then I understand that this flight is endless… I take the road back home, stop in a parking lot and ask heaven for healing! A few days later, after suffering from intense psychoses, I found myself in a state of semi-unconsciousness in the psychiatric hospital brought by my family… a month of hospitalization and several months of leave will be necessary for me to get better! This time I realized that I am a particularly sensitive being and that I could easily fall ill. I am determined to take my medication conscientiously, for the rest of my life if necessary!

Turning point

In March 2018, I celebrate my 40th birthday and in July I break my elbow… it apparently has nothing to do with my mental health, yet these events seem to initiate a movement in me; that of becoming aware of the importance of my life on earth and my body and thus inviting me to gradually take care of my Self, of my body! I see the effect of age on the latter and understand that I should not wait any longer to take care of it; my sister, who is looking after me for the first few days after surgery, shows me the direction to take. My accident also extends my work leave, and this time I am not on pause to fight against my Self but to simply rest, and this allows me to actually rest deeply….. all this seems to have an effect on me and I become more open to new information. These two events opened up a gap in me, the one that will allow Life to take its place… also the antidepressants that I had been taking are starting to take effect. I am also surrounded by my loving and beloved family.

New direction

In September, my sister, again, introduces me to spiritual thinkers/masters of a new kind who speak about spirituality, quantum physics, neuroscience, law of attraction etc. and who open me up to another reality. I regain hope, understanding and a sense of belonging. I then watch the documentary «Heal» and begin Kelly A. Turner’s book «The 9 Keys to Remission» which talk about the body’s powers to heal itself. I wondered then if the information shared could be applied to mental illnesses. I also start working on my mindset after following Manifestation Babe on the web and watching the documentary «The Secret». Then, I watch the film «Concussion», following the recommandation of the physiotherapist who takes care of my elbow. This movie is about a true and recent story of a doctor who links neural damage that occurs in American footballers as a result of severe head trauma and mental illnesses such as depression and behavioural disorders. I am becoming aware that mental illness can be the result of structural and cellular alterations of the brain and not just functional. It is a new door that opens on my understanding of my illness… which suddenly becomes very concrete and material.

Then in December, led by my dear sister, I started a one-day course on energy healing (called Access bars, a technique based on electromagnetism that releases old memories allowing the release of old limiting patterns and allowing to find space in oneself and space for new things to come). Since then we have been exchanging treatments every weekend. I am also beginning to practice meditation more seriously (according to the teachings of Dr. Joe Dispenza) and to incorporate celery juice to my mornings as recommended by Anthony William, a medium who receives crucial information from the Spirit about our health and the power of food. On March 1st, I decided to test the effect of celery juice and meditation on a daily basis; I launched a 31-day challenge. At the end of the month, seeing the positive effects – better digestion, soothed skin and especially a boost of energy – I decide to continue on my track and to undertake a 9-day liver cure, still in accordance with the principles shared by Medical Medium. The changes I then feel are incredible and beyond my imagination: my body feels light and more fluid internally, I feel happy on a consistant basis and energetic; I had not felt so good in my body since almost my childhood. I then make the decision to change my diet over for 28 days while continuing the daily meditation and, since then, I have been eating only fruits and vegetables (but taking into consideration Medical Medium’s knowledge to provide my body with the nutrients necessary for its healing)… Strangely enough, these changes do not require any effort on my part and I do not miss conventional food at all.

Now I see that my life has changed… not really externally but internally! I am happy, in love with life itself and all its magic! I feel connected to my soul and all the livings! I realize that the care given to my body has made it comfortable enough for my soul to want to stay there. What a joy! Also, the real world and the invisible world are now entirely part of me, of my life, the pieces of the puzzle seem to fit in together…

 

On the right path?

Today, I stopped my medication, feeling that it is no longer necessary for me… it may seem a little early; the future will tell us if so… but the inner feeling I experience and which is difficult to explain tells me that I am on the right track… But beware, that does not mean that I have stopped taking care of myself! No, but I am now doing it in another form (meditation, nutrition, energy healing, constant awareness of my thoughts and energy level…. in addition, of course, to my psychotherapy which has always supported me and has been invaluable until now). If I, my family or my doctor detect a deterioration in my health, then I will resume the medication.

I will still go through difficult times, ups and downs, but one thing today is for sure: not only do I take responsibility for my health but I learn to take care of myself and above all I put into practice what I learn, something that was unimaginable until a few months ago! For me, it is a sign that an inner healing is underway! I must also add that I feel more and more at peace with my inner world; including the invisible world with which I subtly interact and which guides me.

Thank you Life, thank you my dear sister who has always been an explorer and, out of love, makes me discover the path to take while accepting that I progress at my own pace, thank you to my family for their love and support, thank you to my psychotherapist for his unfailing assistance and support, thank you to my angels and spiritual guides for their help and love… thank you to all those who, far or near, have helped and stimulated me…

As the name of this website indicates, this is a path… and not an end in itself… now you are welcome to follow me on my blog to know my thoughts and reflections or on the experts’ corner to know the opinion of my psychotherapist who has been kindly there for me since my first admission to the hospital in 2011.

I would also like to add that I have decided in my text to name the «tools» that seem to have been the most beneficial to me in order to help all those who wish to preserve, or cure, themselves from the disease. I highly recommend these to you! Nevertheless, I don’t think they are the only ones who are effective… everyone must remain open and go for the «treatment» that suits them and that speaks to them according to their needs, while remaining vigilant not to come across charlatans. Listen to yourself, keep your mind open, and remember to ask your spiritual guides for help. They will get you on the right track! Do not stop your medication without talking to your doctor and do not underestimate the benefits of good psychotherapy!

Now, one step at a time, let’s continue to move forward on the path to healing or inner well-being!

« There is a crack, a crack, in eveything, that’s how the light gets in»

Leonard Cohen (Anthem)